This is my 200th post! In honor of that I'll shut up and just leave you with this:

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither."
- Ben Franklin

I officially hate this bridge. Actually, I just hate hearing about it. I listened to NPR all day at work... and I think they announced it every 5 minutes.

Well, today was interesting. I got the news that it may take 1 week to 4 months for my face to become un-numb... although honestly I'm slowly getting used to it. I got my check engine light fixed, although I'm really pissed at Rancho Grande. They have this habit of treating their customers like shit. I don't say this lightly. I should have written the letter when I was still pissed off, but now that the anger is but a memory I don't have the motivation. Besides, I hate people that whine just so they can get something for free and I'm afraid I'd be identified as such.

Swing was pretty fun last night, although the dancing was only 'okay'. The didn't really play the music very loudly... now I know you're thinking "Lyle, you hate loud music." and you'd be right. It does have to be loud enough that you can feel the beat though. Oh well, maybe it's just minor bitchiness... I do understand about people wanting to have dinner in peace. Lea and Rowena were there (I'll use their names now, since it's a pain calling them 'the sexy asian chicks'... and I can tell them apart now too; so that's an extra added bonus). I like talking with them both, but Lea particularly. She has a very interesting view on most everything... and what's more she knows how to keep a conversation going: a skill I am most assuredly lacking. I have the horrendous habit of simply answering the questions asked of me and volunteering no more, neither attempting to reciprocate. She (well the both) have more than enough to say about almost any subject, from literature to Star Craft! It's horrible, and I hoped it would never happen again... but I think I'm starting to like her... in that; well y'know way. Problem is I don't want to, but I do, but I don't. I'm very conflicted. Of course if I continue to be the situation will resolve itself. I ought to do something...

They came over again tonight, and I got to spend the evening with them and Kenny. (Speaking of Kenny, he's working out really well as a roommate... better than I ever thought he would!!) Which was fun. I goaded Lea into playing piano for us... and she's good! She was able to sight read some pretty difficult FF sheet music. (I of course cannot site read ANY music for the piano). It turns out she composes her own pieces too. She even said she liked the one piece I'm half-heartedly working on... you've all heard it if you've heard my play piano. All in all, the evening was very fun.

Oh; try the potato combo burrito from Taco Bell. It's really good!

Monday... mouth is still numb. Sux0r. I called them and they want me to come in tomorrow, but I was reading on the interenet that it might take weeks before my face is un-numb. Double sux0r. Oh well, on the upside I got to hang out with the sexy asian girls yesterday. Oh, one is going out with Kenny it turns out. Go Kenny! We went to Tsurugi's (where I borrowed $10 from Kenny so I could eat, go Kenny!) and then to Celebration. That was fun... seeing as all I've done all weekend thusfar is sleep, sleep and more sleep. Today isn't looking much more than that either, although I think Kenny and the girls are going dancing at Madonna tonight. Seeing as it's swing... I'll probably tag along. It helps that I enjoy dancing with them both very much, they have a similar follow to Patti and Sandy; where you can do a lot of random-ass stuff and they'll follow along. Most follows aren't like that, they get offended if you do steps that aren't in the syllabus. Screw that.

Ah happy Sunday! I got my wisdom teeth out on Friday, an interesting experience. Actually it wasn't so bad, I was expecting it to be 10 times worse in every direction. Thankfully my fears weren't realized. I haven't been in much pain at all, the only real annoyance is that I am missing feeling in the lower right half of my lip and chin. The Doctor said that this was a possibility and should fade... I hope it does soon; I don't like my face feeling all huge and flabby.

My mom came down to see me through the whole process. At first I was like "Why are you coming?" but in the end I'm glad she did. She was really sweet; she bought me groceries and gasoline for goodness sake! I'm really thankful that she came down.

Last night was fun too. Kenny's friend (girlfriend?) and her sister came over last night... they are ultimately cute asian twins. Last night they decided that they wanted to try drinking, so they had a Smirnov Ice each, and perhaps the equivalent of a screwdriver. It was funny to see the effect on the two. One got really crazy, I would have sworn she downed 5 shots... the other didn't seem to act any different at all. What's more is I actually got to bed at a reasonable hour; so I can get up to go to Church! I haven't been in weeks, it seems I've been gone nearly every Sunday for the past month. Yup, that's what's happening right now. Not much.

Tony's wedding was this weekend, it was fun... nice to see them finally hitched. The crappy part? Well I had to rent a tux. I knew that a tux had to be rented I just naively thought that it was the wedding party that was paying for it. Mistake number 2. Oh yeah, mistake number 1 was buying them a gift that was slightly higher than my budget. I figured I could survive on a couple less dollars till payday. Well, wrong. I also had to get an oil change, so all combined my already paltry bank account has dipped into the red and my credit card maxed. BoA makes it even worse by tacking on account fees. To help the situation all of the bills are coming due. Thankfully I get paid before they come due, and this paycheck should let me squeek by in the black. I went and cashed in all my change yesterday... but it was only $10. On the upside, all that food that never gets eaten like packs of ramen and that turkey thats been in the freezer for six months is getting eaten. 6 more days till payday...

Oh, I'm getting my wisdom teeth out on Friday... yay. At least it means I won't be hungry for most of the weekend.

I'm probably being a little dire, things will balance out well when everyone trues up with me. It still sucks to be boned in the ass by BoA because of other people.

Addendum: One trued up, 2 more to go. My account is in the black! (barely) woo hoo!

I just got back from Santa Barbara. Actually, let me back up. We more or less moved into the house this weekend, it's awesome. I'm really excited about living there, I'll expound more later. So, I just got back from Santa Barbara. Strangely this was one of the most difficult trips I'd made to Santa Barbara. Why? Well, I don't know, I guess it was a combination of things. The catalyst was of course the purpose; to go hang out with my friends from high school. Not so bad you say? True, but one of them is my ex. I don't remember the last time I saw her, it may have been during Christmas break... but truth be told I don't remember. For some reason though I was almost dreading this meeting. I drove up from San Luis, and would have arrived a good hour before I was to meet the group, so I decided that I would take the longer route through Goleta, in to Santa Barbara and all the way down State St. I didn't realize what sort of impact this would have on me. Fearing this meeting had brought back all sorts of memories long forgotten in the dust of the past. However, actually driving the streets of my high-school mistakes brought back a flood of things that would have probably never been remembered. I suppose emotionally I'm only doing so-so right now. Honestly this past 3 months has been emotionally very stressing; important events seem to be happening nearly every 2 weeks. I'm hardly equipped to deal with the mundane emotional issues of college life, let alone complex events that involve a net of people that I can only begin to comprehend. I'm being intentionally vague. Back to my story. Driving through Goleta and Santa Barbara surfaced images and thoughts of poor choices, silly fights, and plain high-school stupidity. While there were happy memories of course associated with these places, it seems the bad ones linger longer and are more easily awoken. By the time I'd parked my car some blocks from our meeting area I didn't feel at all equipped to deal with anyone, let alone her. Thankfully I was still 30 minutes early, and the majority of the party was to arrive 30 minutes late (unplanned, of course). I walked around, tried to interest, or even involve myself in the illusion of happiness the denizens of Santa Barbara pay to have injected into their lips and sucked from their mid-sections. Naturally with an attitude like that it didn't work. Thankfully I had my music. I'm sure I've mentioned it before, but I'm really happy I paid the money for an iPod. Maybe it sounds pretentious to extole the virtues of a device most people want, but either can't or refuse to buy... but call me what you will. I love music, and the iPod is a music lovers fantasy. I digress.

I'll force a paragraph break, your eyes might be tired... or you might just be skipping most of it. Don't worry, I do the same things to most peoples long blog posts. I won't hold it against you. I sat on the window outside of Structure waiting. I saw people I knew, I didn't greet them and wasn't surprised as they walked by. I saw Jeff Bridges, I didn't greet him either... but I did say 'hi' to his daughter (who happened to go to my High School). I watched kids fight with swords, and at the moment I started watching them my iPod decided to play some Queen... one of the songs from the Highlander soundtrack. The irony wasn't lost on me, and I actually laughed out loud. No one noticed. One of my group showed up, she also did not notice me... so I did not greet her. I know it was rude, but I just didn't feel the confidence flowing. Finally the other two came, my ex and another. I non-chalantly greeted them... the more non-chalant I am the more nervous I am inside; take note (but not too many, I'm non-chalant for other reasons too =P) This is the point where things actually got better. For one I was with three very pretty girls, and being outnumbered by sexy chicks is always fun. They wanted to go shopping, which was fine. I like shopping; except at Abercrombie and Fitch where their loud crappy music bores into your soul... but more about loud crappy music that bores into your soul later. Nothing of note really took place, but I was actually at ease the entire time. I don't know what it was, but I didn't feel nervous or anything. I thought it was a miracle, and that everything was going to be peachy keen the rest of the night.

Here's another one, this whole post is going to be sort of emo/angsty; so you might just want to head over to fark. What was bizzare about the whole day is the way people change. I mean the whole time I was hanging out with them it was like hanging out with strangers, but strangers you knew really well. I don't know. I guess with Jessi, I felt that the least: I read her blog... so in an abstract way I feel like I know her. Ironically I have the hardest time talking to her. She's a sweet girl, I wish I hadn't been so frightened of Ana getting jealous that we had become better friends during high school. We went to dinner, I had a mojito (I wonder if there are any bars here in SLO that serve them?). The real point of the exercise was to go see fireworks at the pier. That worked out interestingly. Suffice to say we arrived late, and the other of our group was waiting for us. After a few short words from him, all was well and we watched the remaining 10 minutes of fireworks. It was then, for me, that the evening took a turn for the worse. A few of Ana's friends from Berkeley came, which added a huge element of uncertainty for me, and we went to a club. Let me offer a little bit about my relationship with clubs. I don't need to say much, I hate them. It isn't that I hate the music (although it isn't my favorite) or that I hate dancing (although the style isn't my favorite) or even that I hate drinking or bars in general. What it is is pure and simple; too much input. For some reason whenever I go into a club some combination of way-too-loud music and flashing lights, moving bodys and conversations screamed put me into, quite literally, a state of shock. It seems stupid, and I wish it weren't so, but I can't lie about it. If you aren't actively talking (* yelling) at me, I'll immediately start staring off into space with a blank look on my face. I end up deep in thought... and I can't be in a more lonely place. Surrounded by people I know, but a million miles away; being held in place by an impenetrable wall of sound. Yes. My name is Lyle and I get lonely in clubs. I can sit in my room for a million years and never feel like that, but put me in a club and I feel trapped and disoriented... and utterly alone. Suffice to say we stayed in the club for a long, long time. Enough to crush to death any happy feelings I had about the day (at the moment) I didn't speak much for the rest of the evening.

Sad isn't it? They all looked like they were having an awesome time, but I can't join a fraternity where communication takes place with cupped hands and sign language. I can't join a conversation where the words are the thrust of a hip and twist of an arm in random and arcane ways. All in all the day was fun, better than I had hoped for. The story really ends there...

... however my feelings only begin there. This weekend was most of all a challenge because I think for the first time in a long time I've felt genuinely lonely. I haven't felt this way for, well 3 years. There have been pangs of course, hints that it was there somewhere; but I guess it took a few shakes to wake it up. I think the first big shake is a result of Tim. He's been going on about a certain girl for weeks and weeks, but she recently became avaliable; and if Tim is to be trusted the two of them are a hot item; or at least will become one. I haven't yet received the weekend report. Read his blog, the last million posts are about her =P It's just weird I guess, I'm slowly watching my circle of friends pair off. I mean Tony is getting married this weekend. As selfish as this might sound, it feels as if I'm slowly being replaced... will I be the last remaining soldier in the camp of bachelorhood? Maybe I just have issues with being deserted. Maybe it's just the balance of things, because I know I treated my friends poorly when I statrted with Ana. I was consumed by her, completely infatuated to the exlusion of ALL else. I really mean all else. I don't know if any us understood the why's or how's of what we felt back then. We just knew what we felt and acted on it. I think I'm getting less coherent. It is getting late. I'll just wrap up with this. It's hard to live in your own shadow. For things to flip bass-ackwards and for the feelings you've fought so long to keep at bay to, in a single weekend, break down your little walls.

It sounds worse than it really is. I'll be fine by tomorrow. Sorry for writing so much.