Haha, something amazingly hillarious happened today. I had just finished up on the toilet, and tried to flush... but nothing happened. "Handle must be broken" I thought to myself as I opened up the tank. Yup, it was. So I pulled up the chain manually and watched the water flow downward. As I did I saw a slight bit of irregular movement over to the left side of the tank beneath the air bladder. So I took a closer look and discovered there was an object in the tank... not just any object though: a vibrator! Yes, that's right... I found a vibrator in my toilet tank, and not a new one either. It was obviously old enough to be from the previous residents. It had a clear body, and you could see it was partially filled with rusted water... it had to have been in there for, at the very least, half a year. Not really knowing what to do with it, I put it back... it's still in there. I wonder what the toilet repair guy will think when he comes in to fix the handle? Hehehe. College is hillarious.

Ah, Spring break has been pretty nice. I've done a fair amount of travel this break, and while most I think would be tired of driving... I have to admit to myself that I feel a bit of wander-lust. I love going to new places, and seeing new things... and the more I've done it recently, the more I want to keep doing it. I talked to one of the guys down in Tijuana, and he said that you can get a nice 2 bedroom apartment for like $300 a month down there! That's crazy! If it's that cheap that close to the border, can you imagine what it is like in Mexico City? Or even in other parts of the world? I'm really starting to think I should take a month or so off of work and school and get an apartment in some little corner of the world and just hang out. Especially if it were with someone else, can you imagine? 30 days at a place for less than $150 living expense? That would be awesome. That's really what's on my mind right now, getting places. It's hard though, everyone here is so caught up in what they need to do that they never think that sometimes it's nice to say "fuck all" and go to Vegas. Someday I'll find someone that'll agree sometime to do that... I can imagine the situation even now. Hanging out some Friday evening
"Whatcha wanna do?"
"I dunno"
"Wanna go to Vegas?"
"Okay"
That's my idea of Heaven: the freedom to pick up and go... not needing 3 weeks to pack your stuff and plan for everything, but to grab a t-shirt and a toothbrush and head out the door. One of the engineers in Mexico picked us up after we checked-out of our hotel, his comment to the plastic bag I had which contained a change of underwear, a shirt and some deoderant was "You pack light". That's what it's all about... packing light and moving fast. *shrug* Just my thoughts of today.

Had my first final today. It was pretty easy... don't really have much other to say than that, but I'll keep typing just to see what I end up talking about.

Oh, I know: girls. (Stop reading now if you've ever read any post I've ever written before about girls, as this one will no doubt be very similar). I've found over the past few years that my feelings regarding the opposite sex and relationships in general are wavering and fickle. There are times when I feel very lonely and want nothing more than to be in a relationship, and there are times like now where I couldn't care one way or the other. Why is this? I've been trying to figure it out, but haven't really come to a definitive conclusion. There are just so many choices in life. I know that if I get a girlfriend now that will more than likely change the entire course I see myself on. Now what course that is I can't really say... again leading back to that aggravating thing called life. I'd like to join Peace Corps. post-graduation, but at the same time I'd like to stay where I am; here in SLO working at Andiamo. Compound that with the fact I'd also like to try working for a cruise line as an information officer, or work up in the bay area for some giant company doing something awesome. A girl at any point from here till the time I would make the decision would only change everything, and I mean everything. Of course I'm speaking as if girls just fall out of the sky, and I could simply have a girl on a whim... but a boy can dream can't he? Chances are if someone were to approach me right this instant I'd get scared and run away. Sorry future girl-friend... but that's how it'd be... unless we were friends first. Of course when love comes a' knockin' everything changes, so I guess I can't even say that with any confidence. *sigh* I really don't know, I just have this funny feeling that my next girlfriend will be my last (as in I'll do something crazy like marry her). With Tony getting married and all it seems like I should have been paying more attention to this area of my life all along. I wonder how I would even be with a girl now. It's been so long, and while I've matured in other areas I fear that I would fall into the same traps I did before; invest too much of myself and end up hurting.

This post is turning out to be really long, so I may as well make it a record. Let's talk a little bit about extreme emotional duress. If you've ever been in a relationship, chances are you've been under it. You act crazy, do things that make no sense. I remember one particular time, after some fight with Ana, I was driving back from Santa Barbara and talked to myself the entire way. I don't really remember anything I said, but looking back on it now I can't even imagine doing something like that. I also remember another time in the dorms, throwing the phone (and breaking it... oops!) and practically running out of my room. I remember my heart racing, and tears welling behind my eyes. There was that sick, salty taste in my mouth and I was looking in every direction but at the same time looking nowhere. I walked down from my dorm as far as the PAC, and sat in the grass by a light-post cross legged, holding myself and rocking. I think I had had the intention of walking downtown, but what inner logic remained said that wouldn't do anything for me... so I guess I just broke down then and there. Perhaps thankfully for me I was alone that weekend, so I could sort everything out a little before I had to face anyone. I don't even remember going back up to my room that night, or what I even did. That sucked... so much. I guess it's memories like that that make me somewhat fearful of entering into a new relationship. Don't get me wrong, there were good things too... but what a terrible cost they came at. If given the chance would I pay that price again? I just don't know. I do know that I experienced exactly what it feels like to be wild with emotion, confused, lost and alone... to say the least it isn't an experience I'd like to revisit.

If you're still reading, congratulations. I'm impressed that you've made it this far. I don't have any grand and amazing quotations or thoughts to leave you with just a simple "thanks for reading, who ever you are".

It's been awhile since I've posted. Not much has really happened. No, really. I mean it. I'm getting a little sick right now... so that sucks. I have finals tomorrow and on Thursday... so that sucks, but I'll be done so that's good. Yup. Such is life.

It's funny how when someone you have beef with tells you not to do something you just want to do it more. Case in point I commented on someones blog. Someone who wronged me in the past, someone who had just been wronged in the same way by the other involved party. My comment wasn't a "haha, you suck" type comment, but more of a "Sorry it happened to you to" type comment. Well, the other involved party IMs me and tells me "I like your comment", you know in that sort of "I can't believe you did that, and I don't really like it" sort of way. Then before the conversation is over makes sure to tell me "no more commenting!". Now, the comment I made I made like a month ago. I rarely even go to his blog as it is infrequently updated, but getting told that makes me want to go everyday and comment on everything. I know it's silly, and petulant... sort of the teenage "you don't control me!!!" but... *shrug* I don't know, I probably won't do either option. I'll continue on as I've been, doing as I do. It is funny though that only time I get an IM from this person is if I've done something that affects their life. Glad we're such great 'friends'.

"This is rediculous"
Yeah, it certainly is. It's spelled ridiculous people!! If I see one more post on a message board where it's spelled with an E I'm going to burn the internet down! (With fire... not flames. Zing that's witty.)

C'mon, you know you wanna be my 'ho!

Ah, it's Wednesday. Usually that means I'd be in lab till 9. We go out early today... so nice. Especially after a very, very long week. I finished Nico's dreaded 8-ball assignment, which was quite a challenge. I have a new found respect for people that write device drivers... it isn't easy to not make the system crash... let alone make it efficient. I have a midterm on Friday... that should be interesting, and tomorrow will be hectic at the least. Not so much that I have a ton to do, just that everything I have to do has to happen within a certain time frame. It'll all work out, but I'm not really looking forward to tomorrow evening. This Saturday we have a dance, maybe people will come... I for one am not counting on it, but I'm never too optimistic on people ever coming to a DJed dance in Chumash. How's everything else? Eh, fine.

I did see the Passion of the Christ this weekend. Wow is all I can really say. I'm sure you think my obligated to say that, being Christian and all... Honestly I can't seperate myself from Christianity to be truly non-biased. A film critic on CNN.com said today "you get from this movie what you take in to it". That's really the truth when it comes down to it. I can say for one that I was deeply affected by this movie, I hope you all go and see it.

That all aside it's getting near the end of the quarter. I for one am going to be thankful for the short break.