Thanksgiving was fine, we had lasagne.

I was thinking this morning about blogs in general. They are very strange, on one side they are pure vanity... and on the other side they are just the opposite of that. I see blogs that are simply a way of venting, and have nothing to do with how cool the writer is. Blogs generally deal with very personal issues, yet they are displayed for the world to see. What causes us to do this? Do 10 year old girls have locks on their diaries for a reason? Why do we just throw caution to the wind when we talk about things in such a public forum. Anonmity? I doubt it. Anyone with half a wit could figure out who you are if they really wanted to. If you have a domain it's even easier. Blogs are just weird.

Why do I blog? Honestly I don't know. I guess a lot of it is that I've always had a website, but never really had content. With a blog I can have new content every single day. It may get boring and droll, but it is new... I guess it's also a way to vent, express to someone how I'm feeling without the inconvenience of telling someone face to face. I can tell all my friends how I feel without having to be anywhere near them. It's sort of comforting really, to have people who know you without ever having to tell them anything. Well, that's my two cents for the day.

I was walking home and someone was walking behind me and bouncing a basketball for like 2 blocks. I tried to slow down and let them pass so it would be less annoying, but they just slowed down with me. I wanted to smack them!! Grr... don't walk behind me and bounce basketballs!!

Oh, I've been blogging steadly for a year as of like 2 weeks ago. You can read my old livejournal here. I started my livejournal my freshmen year, but I only updated it very sporadically. Enjoy.

**UPDATE**
My apologies, the link was broken. Hollie pointed it out, and all is well now.

I didn't have lab today, so I went to pick up my hornet account password and ended up finding this student travel magazine... then later I found another months' issue. Now I want to go somewhere so bad. I don't even care where, Africa, Asia, Europe, South America, Mexico. I just feel like buying a plane ticket now and escaping it all. Of course I have no money, so that won't be happening.... alas. Today was pretty boring, and it's not quite over yet. I'm waiting for Tim to get home so we can go get pizza, and basically procrastinating because I don't want to finish my history paper. It's due tomorrow and I have one page left to type... it's such not the big deal, yet I can't help not wanting to do it. Oh well. I don't really have much interesting to say right now.

It's always nice to have the Cliff Notes, here are mine, free of charge.

LAST...
movie you rented: hm... no clue. I don't generally rent, I borrow.
movie you bought: I bought my brother "Fear of a Black Hat" for his birthday. That movie is quality.
song you listened to: I'm listening to flamenco right now, no clue what the song title is.
song that was stuck in your head: "Tomorrow Will be my Dancing Day" - it's a song we're singing in choir.
cd you bought: Nighthawks at the Diner, and Frank's Wild Years - Tom Waits
cd you listened to: I don't listen to CDs, I just rip them and listen to them on my iPod. Last album I listened to was Another Saturday Night - Tom Waits.
person you've called: It was Myles.
person that's called you: l'm not sure, probably my boss.
tv show you've watched: Haha, television? I haven't watched TV since I was in high-school. I guess watching Family Guy on my dvds counts as a TV show though, so that.
person you were thinking of: Holly, girl from fencing I met last night. When I introduced myself her hands were dirty, so she shook my hand with the under-surface of her arms. It was very funny. She hugged me too; I like hugs ^_^

DO...
you have a crush on someone: Naturally.
you wish you could live somewhere else: No way, I love living in SLO.
you think about suicide: Everyone has, I am no exception.
you believe in online dating: Do I believe in online dating? What sort of question is that? Do I believe it exists? Yes. Do I believe it works? There are always a lucky few. Is it something I would be interested in? Probably not yet, I'm desperate enough.
others find you attractive: No clue, if the amount i'm "gettin'" is any indication: no.
you want more piercings: More than zero? I've thought about it, but I can never remember which ear means you're gay... and it probably isn't really me anyway.
you like cleaning: Sometimes it's satisfying, other times it's annoying. I'm neutral on it.
you like roller coasters: Oh yes, oh yes.
you write in cursive or print: I write in print, in an effort to rebel against the teachers who lied and said you were required to write in cursive in high school.

FOR OR AGAINST...
long distance relationships: Against, but can you blame me?
using someone: Obviously against.
suicide: The fact that I breathe is testament to my stance on this issue.
killing people: The fact you're reading my blog is testament to my stance on this issue.  
teenage smoking: Whatever, people will choose whatever they want regardless of what I think. Angst ridden teenagers pent on destroying their lungs will find equally destructive forms of expression were this option removed, so I have no strong stance.
driving drunk: If I'm against killing people, wouldn't this follow?
gay/lesbian relationships: Have sex with whatever you want, just don't assume I want to hear about it.
soap operas: For, against? I don't know. Not my thing, but I'm not against them.

HAVE YOU...
ever cried over a girl: Of course.
ever cried over a boy: Thankfully, no.
ever lied to someone: If I say no, do I have to answer yes?
ever been in a fist fight: No, not a proper one.
ever been arrested: Thankfullly, no.

WHAT...
shampoo do you use: Kirkland Signature Costco sized coconut smelling out-of-the-pump type shampoo.
shoes do you wear: Sandals, always.
are you scared of: Being alone forever.

NUMBER...
of times I have been in love: Once.
of times I have had my heart broken: Once.
of hearts I have broken: I would imagine one, but I can't speak for her.
of girls I have kissed: Two.
of boys I have kissed: Zero, go me!
of girls I've slept with: If you're that curious, you can ask me. If you want the real meat, you have to read the novel. Cliff Notes won't tell you everything =P
of boys I've slept with: Zero again, damn!!
of guys you've obsessed over who wouldn't date you: None, wow. I am on a role with this guy thing.
of times my name has appeared in the newspaper: Twice that I know of. Once when I went to Philmont with the Boy Scouts, another time in the Mustang Daily because Tim, Cory and I wrote haiku about campus dining.
of scars on my body: One above me left eyebrow, one on my forehead, four on my hands, and one on my back. So it looks like seven. Oooh, how auspicious.
of things in my past that I regret: Two. You'll have ask to find out which.
of guys that have seen you naked: None, unless Tim installed cameras...
number of girls that have seen you naked: One

DO YOU THINK YOU ARE...
pretty: I'd do me.
funny: I think I'm hillarious, but I'm the only one that gets ALL my jokes, so it follows.
hot: I don't think I'm very hot.
friendly: In a large group setting, no. In a small group setting, yes.
amusing: I amuse myself, I think others are amused by me. So yes. ugly: No, I'm not ugly.
loveable: Yes, very.
caring: I try to be.
sweet: I have my moments... but generally no.
dorky: A resounding yes.

FAVORITE....
5 letter word: Boobs came to mind. 
Actor/actress: Harrison Ford because Indiana Jones ROCKS.
Movie: Ask me, there are too many. Amelie comes to mind though.
Alcohol: I'm a fan of the Gin Fizz, and the Vodka Collins. I'm also very partial to Newcastle.
Candy: Believe it or not, I'm not a huge fan of candy. I'd say homemade caramel though.
Cartoon: Family Guy.
Cereal: Probably that Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Cereal
Pizza Topping: Pepperoni, of course.
Chewing gum: The kind that doesn't taste like ass. I hate that one.
Color(s): Blue, purple, black, crimson.
Color nail polish: Last color I wore was purple, so I'll default to that.
Day of week: Sunday.
Least favorite day: Monday.
Flower: I hate flowers. Actually, I like those sour-grass flowers because they taste good.
Jello flavor: I'm not a big fan of Jello.
Jewelry: I don't wear jewlery.
Special skills/talents: I can turn my eyelids inside out, and I can make farting noises with my hands.
Summer/Winter: Winter, I can wear scarves and sweaters.
Trampolines or swimming pools: Damn... I have no clue, they both rock. I might lean towards trampolines though... bouncy, bouncy, bouncy.

When you're responsible for making sure things work... operators create things like this if they don't. Credits to 2063.

*sigh* I'm depressed. Actually, I'm probably just hungry. Whenever I get hungry, I seem to get into a bad mood. Future girl-friend be warned, if I start getting pissy: feed me. I guess I'm really just a little stressed, my paper is not working out like I want it to and its frustrating. Double that with the Turkey Tourney being this weekend (which I stupidly volunteered to direct for...) and we'll see if I don't explode on Sunday. I do take solace in the fact that I only have 2 days of class next week, and then five days of nothingness. Of course I have a program to write and a lab to finish, plus a project in EE to do... but nonetheless it'll get done.

I got paid today... but it was pitifully small. I hope I have enough money to pay my bills (I'm pretty sure I do, just no money to have fun with ._.) *sigh*

Ho hum ho hum. Life is boring right now. There is always a ton of stuff going on, but nothing too exciting at all. I have a paper due in history of 8-10 pages. I don't want to write it, but it shouldn't be too bad. I can't believe that Thanksgiving is only a week away, I don't know what I'll do with 4 days of 'freedom'. I'll probably be programming, since I have a program and a lab due the Monday after. Post that the end of the quarter looms. It's sort of scary how fast this quarter has gone by... in just two weeks it'll be December, and all of my friends will leave for home. Then Christmas, and the beginning of yet another quarter. Amazing how time flies... before too long I'll be graduated (not too soon, but it's on the horizon).

I was messing around on my laptop and looking at jobs (for the future, don't worry Dancris: you've still got me). Google.com looked like a fun place to work, they have free food, and all sorts of other neat benefits. Plus it's in the Bay area, which I think would be a fun place to work. Of course I'm still young, so the city is where it is at. I often wonder what will happen post-college. I imagine I'll apply for Peace Corps. and a few jobs, evaluate my options and choose the best. I hope I get rejected from most paths, so there will be one clear path to choose.

I know everyone probably feels this way from time to time, but what path should I choose? There are so many options its scary. There are so many things I want to do/try I wonder if I'll even have time. *shrug* I'm in a weird mood right now. Sort of melancholy/content if that makes any sense. Oh well, time for choir.

Sweeeeeeeeeeet! Final Fantasy XII was announced today for a spring release in Japan. Maybe... just maybe they can get it out quickly. Check out the official site (in Japanese) at http://www.ff12.com

*sigh*

It's been a fairly nice weekend, not too much HW to deal with. It's been strange having a night life, where I can actually see my friends. I won't get used to it, don't worry.

For some reason I'm sort of 'ho-hum' right now. Can't really put a finger on it, but I guess it's just the realization that once more "things didn't work out". I guess I can still hold a little hope, but with such a vital (to me) pipe-line cut I don't see any hope for effective communication. Not to mention, I can't compete with presence. I may not be competing with anyone really, but if there isn't contact I'm competing with myself.

That's intentionally vague, if you piece it together you kick ass. Oh well, can't feel bad if I'm blowing up (er, fixing) computers at work. Time to head over there to upgrade our file server. Later.

It's Friday! That usually means tons of HW to do all weekend, but I skipped work today (with permission) to work on my program. Miraculously I finished it! That means I can for the most part have fun all weekend. I can't remember the last time I've been able to do that. It's weird, I have no idea what to do. I feel like I should be studying... so I'll probably break out my history book in a little bit. I have a huge paper due in about a week in that class... so it's sort of scary. I have no doubt I'll get it done though. My work load is pretty layered, so the paper is just the next layer. Then it'll be time for Thanksgiving, and my 5th and final program will be due (and lab as well). I think time is starting to speed up or something; I can't believe the quarter is almost over.

So tonight Chris is having a wine and cheese party, very exciting, very fun. I'm looking forward to it, especially since I don't really have any huge obligations tomorrow. That means I can stay up as late as I want and just have a great time. Much happiness.

I got a raise today! Yay!

Today is a sad day... we, the online community, bid farewell to one of our favorites. The internet will be a little bit more lonely starting today... goodbye Jenn. Do us proud!

I'm sure she is feeling free and happy... I know that one month that I gave up AIM sure was liberating. I do have to say though, I probably couldn't go back to being AIM free. I don't spend that much time on it... but it is, for me, as vital communication tool as is the telephone or email. It's funny really how connected everything is now. Information flows as fast as you can request it.

In other news, I bought a new domain. http://www.cocksnsocks.com. No, it isn't pr0n. No, there isn't anything there yet. We're still building the box that will be hosting. Yeah, I'm finally getting my own host. I'll be able to run scripts, and do other fun and interesting things. Not to mention I'll be redesigning this humble blog. Exciting? It is for me... so shut up!

Well, I better get some work done before I go to EE...

This weekend was entertaining. Saturday was a blast, it ran like clock-work... which can very nearly never be said about a trip to LA. For those that don't know, I went down to LA to watch Bubbahotep and Matrix: Revolutions (IMAX) with Dan (my boss), Tim, and Jerrad. It was awesome. We left SLO early on Saturday, went to get Dan, and then to SB to get Jerrad. We spend exactly an hour at the computer show, left for LA. We arrived at the theater 5 minutes before the movie started. It finished, and we drove immediatley to the IMAX and got in line just before the line got really long. They let us in, and we watched the movie. We drove to get dinner, and then back before my brother had to be at work. It was quality. The trip was really fun, and the movies were cool as well. I'm still amazed at how smoothly the whole affair went.

Now dinner. Dinner was an experience. Dan insisted we go to a place called "Oki-Dog". Some of you may have heard of LA's famous PINK's hot-dogs. Well if PINK's had an evil twin bent on cruel domination of your stomach... Oki-Dog would be it. First let me describe to you what exactly an Oki-Dog is. An Oki-Dog is 2 hot-dogs, pastrami, chili and american cheese wrapped up inside of a huge flour tortilla. Do you understand what I mean now? Well... you can only imagine the location where the distribute this monstrosity. It is this little hole in the wall, painted bright orange... inside is like a shack with little Chinese lanterns all around. It was very.... *ahem* tasteful. Actually, as horrendous as it sounds... it wasn't half bad. It was pretty cheap to boot, and after leaving I wasn't hungry until almost 3 o'clock today.

So that was pretty much my weekend. It was fun and exciting... and I got no work done. This week is going to be busy >_<

So it's Friday! That makes me happy because my hellish week is finally over. Went to a little office party at Firestone, which was pretty fun. Seeing people from the office in such a different context is always hillarious.

So what's the real meat of tonight's entry? Well It's been awhile since I talked about relationships... right? Even if it hasn't, this is my blog: so I'll talk about whatever I damn well please. So yeah. First of all.... what in the hell is "asking someone out"? I mean I think everyone in the world has their own definition. I always figured it was like "Hey, wanna go get some coffee?" and then you went, and that was a date, and the question was the asking out. Yet I also hear people use it as the "do you want to be my girlfriend?" type question? Is it that to? Dating culture is so rampantly different now then it was in the past. Not that I lived back then, but it would be nice if there were some established do's and don'ts for dating. It would be even nicer if terms were defined. I guess it's really just the engineer in me whining about unclear language, but wouldn't it make your life that much simpler?

That aside, how are things going in the old relationship department? As well as they have been for the past 3 years. It's funny, because I feel like I always bitch about being 'sick of the whole dating thing'... but how could I be sick of it? I mean... how many dates have I really been on? I guess I'm just silly that way. Everyone that doesn't have dates is probably 'sick of the whole dating thing'... but the people that are gettin' it on are probably thrilled with it. Am I avoiding my own topic? Yeah, pretty much. So I don't really know what to think. I like to hang out with her, but I just don't know. To be quite honest, it's like I never said anything at all. Don't take me the wrong way, I am not complaining. She hasn't run away screaming into the night, so I take that as a compliment. In any case, she's turned out to be a good friend, and if that's all it ever turns out to be I'm really, actually, truly okay with that. I could do much worse with friends than her. It's funny how a fair portion of my close friends were former crushes. Will she join the ranks of those elite? Only time will tell.

Another funny thing is the "I don't have time for a relationship" type line that I like to spout. In truth, it's probably true. Yet I can't help but wonder if that's just my own lame excuse for being a lazy ass. I'll be the first to admit that I'm pretty damn lazy, and when it comes with the possiblity of being hurt... do you really think I'll be that much more motivated to pursue? Wowsers, that's sort of sad really.

I think what we all really want is to do absolutely no work at all, and just meet that perfect person and say "hey, you're hot" and have them say "whoa... so are you" and then get married the next day. Does it ever actually work like that? It's a nice dream. I could deal with waking up one day with two kids, a loving wife, a house and a steady job. *shrug*

I guess on further reflection it's not the dating thing that I'm really tired of. I'm just tired of... well, caring. I just want to let go and not care any more. I'll have Zen relationships, where I can sit back and realize I have no control, and only in realizing that I have no control gain a bit of control, but be so Zen that I'll give up that control. Confused yet? I know I am.

In any case, things are going fine. Even though I'm writing a novela about relationships, I do have a very Zen type attitude. I'm not going to rock the boat with any craziness, I'm not going to grab her, look in to her eyes and ask her to be mine. I'll just sit back, relax and see what happens... just like I've done with pretty much everything else in my life.

Sometimes I wonder who even reads this little place on the web. It's funny, because more people probably do than I think... either that or no one does. I guess I could always test everyone that I think reads it by saying something nasty about everyone I know and find out if they slap me or not. That probably wouldn't be a good idea though... so why don't you... just to humor me leave a comment below and let me know you're out there.

I thought this went without saying on a blog, but events of tonight have re-iterated to me that you can never 'go without saying'.

Anything I say here is throgh the eyes and perspective of a naive college age male. Comments regarding my past are the reflections of said person, and may or may not reflect that actuality of events herein discussed. These writings represent my thoughts and my feelings; never is it stated that all statements made are factual.

I do attest that everything written here clearly represents the way that I see things. If you don't agree with me, I encourage you to comment: that's why I put them there. This is my space on the Web, and you are my visitor. Take what you want from this site, be it humor, offense, or a deeper understanding of who I am. I would prefer that visitors be those in the last category, but all are welcome to take what they will from this site. However, if you believe everything you read without first checking into the source and context surrounding the situation the Internet is no place for you, let alone my humble blog.

Last night/this morning/today was entertaining. I'm glad I camped out... I always felt like it was something I ought to do for something, but never had the chance. I can scratch one more thing off the old 'things to do in life' list. Hm.. it might be interesting to compile such a list. I wonder what sort of wild and crazy things I could think of. Maybe someday. As for the movie? It was okay. There were things that I really liked (action scenes) and things that were utter crapulon (lovey scenes). All in all I don't feel that I wasted my time camping out, or my $5. It also won't go down in history as my all time favorite movie. I'll write more sometime next week after I see it again... and you get a chance to. I don't want to ruin it by clouding your judgement of it. All I can say is that the battle scenes are really frickin' awesome. Oh, in honor of the movie someone decorated the P to read 'neo'. When stuff like that is on the P, makes me feel proud to go to Poly. (Stuff like P-Nus and Poop incidently also make me proud... Greek letters do NOT)

I just had my EE midterm... I didn't get totally anally molested, but I don't know how well I did. We'll see. In any case that pretty much wraps up my week of hell. I do have to finish up a lab for csc, but that won't be too bad. They aren't hard, they just take time. I enjoy doing them as well, so it is no burden at all. Beyond that... nothing new to report. All I know is that I feel like today has been a really long day, and I think I'm going to leave Madonna early tonight and sleep like a baby.

The new Matrix comes out tomorrow, simultaneous world-wide release... so when is the California time? 6am. We hates the Wachowski brothers... hates them forever. In any case I'm going to see it tomorrow morning at 6am... but am I going to wake up early to do it? No... Tim and I (and possibly others) are camping out tonight at the Fremont. Is it going to be colder than your mother? Yes. Are we huge nerds? Yes. Will the movie be worth it? Probably not. In any case I'm looking forward to the whole experience, as I've never done anything so hugely nerdy. It'll be interesting to see if anyone else has the same idea that we do. I'm almost positive someone will. So, that'll be interesting.

What else is going on? Well, the week from Hell is almost over. I just have a test tomorrow evening, and then I'll be basically home free. I'm looking forward to a little rest and relaxation this weekend. Work life has picked up a bit, and things are generally going well. I even got to hang with Jenn on Sunday, which was a nice surprise. I even got to play a few hours of FFXI. So yeah, things are going well.

On a slightly stranger note, I've been having strange, and vivid dreams lately. Generally speaking I don't even remember my dreams, let alone have vivid ones. Last nights was particularly strange. I'm honestly too lazy to describe it here, so you can ask me in person and I'll tell you about it. I'll just leave it that there were large (as in millions) groups of flamingos flying so tight that they looked like dragons from a distance... amidst them, being carried in some sort of conveyance were Russians, who also came by boat to greet my friends and myself who were living on the coast of some semi-tropical island. Intrigued? I sure was.

"Like... I just don't think you'd be happy being a slut. So... you should just get married"

-Sara Holms