I got Final Fantasy XI yesterday... IT TOOK TWO AND A HALF HOURS TO INSTALL. I'm sorry, maybe that was uncalled for, but when I got home I thought I was going to get to PLAY. I got to sit there watching their crappy install program. I did finally play a little bit, but I want to play on the same server as Akim (who didn't get his copy yesterday) so I mostly was deleting and re-creating characters... hoping for that magic server. That is ghetto. What I did play seemed like it might be fun though. It's very different, but I think I can get used to it. Oh, what am I?


Taru-Taru Black Mage.

Yeah... I'm a whore. I was going to be Elvaan, but they have such dopey arms... and they are stupid. The little Taru-Taru girl was so cute too....

Damn... big LCD screens are so sexy. If I weren't poor right now I'd have a huge one. Oooh, on a side note; I'm not as screwed in that department as I had thought. It looks like Cal Poly does have some redeeming factors, and they actually straightened up my financial aid situation without interference from me. Go them.

Had my history test today... I really like tests in GE classes. They are actually fun. I mean... a test... and its fun. Who would have thought. I really enjoyed it, and I feel like I did okay; but I left work an hour early to go and study.

Speaking of work... the whole culture there has changed. One of our office gals is leaving, which is sad news... and it just seems like everyone is really high tension. I feel like I'm working pretty hard to get what needs to be done, done. Yet for some reason I always feel like I'm slacking off. Although I guess that is one of the problems being a Sys. Admin. I mean nobody knows you are working, until something breaks. When that happens, its time to head for the hills; because they want your balls on a stake. It's not REALLY like that at Dancris, but I can imagine companies where it is. I do feel like my work is transparent though. How could it not be? I guess I really feel un-productive because I don't have anything to show at the end of the day. I mean at Vicky's there were full panty tables, or stocked windows. Here I have computers that run, just like they did when I got here. I'm an agent of anti-entropy, in a place where entropy happens but people assume it doesn't. Wow... I sure am rambling. Oh well, my job still kicks your jobs ass.

Oh week of weeks. I am stressed out. There is so much to do that I don't know if I'll be able to finish it all. Well, I guess that isn't true. I will finish it all... I just hope some semblance of sanity remains. I have EE homework due tomorrow, a test on Thursday and then a program due on Monday followed by a paper due on Tuesday. Compound that with my concert being this weekend (and Halloween... although that doesn't really matter to me one bit) and you see how I am feeling. Oh yeah, I have a Systems Programming test on Friday... almost forgot that one. Damn.

This weekend was interesting... didn't turn out at all like I had expected. Shane came down, which is always fun... although I didn't see him much. I got a one-weekend job of moving stuff (and ended up making $130... woo, my car payment). I feel bad about basically not being there at all this weekend to hang out with Shane... but I REALLY needed the money this week (it's that time of the month... insurance and car payment... and I don't get paid until the 5th) So it turned out okay.

Now I'm in the UU procrastinating. I'm sitting across from this girl name Jackie... she came to a Smile and Nod audition one time, but it appears she doesn't remember me. Truth be told, I forgot where I knew her from... but I remembered; so I win. Even if I won't say 'hi'. Yeah... I'm in a weird mood... all this stuff to do. *sigh*

Can we go back to summer? Since school has started my head has wanted to explode. Between work, school and ballroom, my head is going to shoot off into space never to return. I do take solace that I'm not the only one with that problem... it seems like everyone is dying. Except Myles, who somehow managed to find time to beat KOTOR... bastard. I haven't played a video game for like 3 weeks... I'm jealous. I miss summer so much. It was great just working, and not worrying about anything else at all...

My concert is this weekend. Saturday, in the PAC. Come if you so desire... I'll be there.

WWAD

I don't normally post these quiz things... but I'll make an exception for this one.

I'm a Gin & Tonic, discover your ALcoHoLiC personality!

Grrr... I'm so mad right now. I missed 10 points on my programming assignment because I forgot a -1. If I had just looked at my output a little more closely I would have gotten full credit... *sob* Oh well, I found the mistake and it didn't take me long at all. I was way more upset when I got my paper back and saw it was screwed up, because I figured it was going to be a way harder error to track down. So, I guess I'm happy... but I really would have liked those 10 points.. *sigh*

Here I am in the library... sitting around being utterly unproductive. I really ought to do some sort of work. Oh well. History class was cancelled again today. I was a little upset at first, because again I thought about ditching... and again I resisted... and again it wasn't worth resisting. Yet this couple of free hours is very nice. I haven't had a nice opportunity to breathe for a couple weeks. This 2.5 hours is very welcome, and very overdue.

Last night was Nicole's 21st birthday. Very exciting for her, very amusing for us. It was also an interesting look at what downtown is like on a late Monday night. Previously I had gone to Blue with Julia and found the bar to be a huge pile of crap. That was a Friday night... what a huge difference in culture on a Monday night. I would be proud to take people there on a Monday, embarassed to take them there on a Friday. The atmosphere was quiet, nice... conducive to conversation (as a bar should be in my opinion). A far cry from the lame frat-boy infested music-hole they have there on Fridays. It made me very happy, because a bar with such an awesome location deserves to be a good bar. Blue is in an old bank building, and everything from the brick walls, to the large pane glass windows, to the very well stocked bar scream "this bar SHOULD be cool!!". I'm happy its cool at least one night of the week.

So if that didn't sound pretentious enough, I don't know what will. How are things otherwise? Pretty good I would say. Busy, busy, busy, but that's how my life always is; so I can't complain too much. Things otherwise? Well, it's midterm season. So pretty much everyone is fairly busy, and I haven't really gotten to see much of the people I care about (minus you: Brion, Myles and Tim, of course!) That's life though... Hm. I think I'll just end this post on that note.

Well, still don't know how she feels, but she doesn't appear weirded out... so I'm very thankful for that. I would say, in fact, that she might even be acting in a slightly more positive fashion than previously. Of course its really impossible to gauge, as I'm not really an impartial judge.

Sundays are nice and horrible. Nice, because its always good to have a lazy day after a hectic work week. Sunday is when everyone is studying, so usually there isn't much going on. That means when you yourself aren't studying, you can just lay in the sun or do as you will. They are horrible because they are the last hurrah before you go back to the work-week. More stress, more tests, and more of everything.

Today is a fairly typical Sunday. I'm working on a project for my Systems Programming class. It's a decent enough class, and I do like that I'm learning the C programming language. Everyone is either offline, or online and away. It's nice to have some peace and quiet.

The dance yesterday was... well, let's be honest: not so hot. It's really hard to have an awesome dance without a lot of people. I personally had fun, but I can have fun almost anywhere I go. It's getting a little disheartening being in a club where our events aren't spectacular sensations. I mean it wasn't a complete failure, it's just hard to put effort into something you think won't do well. That's my bitching about ballroom for the week.

Ahhh... it's Friday. Does that mean relaxation and a welcome change of pace? Sadly, this week, no; it does not. I have a lot to do this weekend, including a dance that will take up most of tomorrow and a program to finish up. On top of that more Ballroom lessons on Sunday. So do I have a weekend? No. I have Ballroom. Hopefully it'll be fun, although I must admit I don't have the most cheery outlook. I like dancing, I don't mind planning even. It's just there is always so much to do. In fact I'm sure I've forgotten something already.

This weeks has been very tiring... the longer school goes on it seems the more tiring the weeks get. Work doesn't help, as it's been getting more stressful as of late. I still love working there, it's just I have more responsibility than I used to have.

How are things otherwise? I can't complain. I mean I could, and if I were to this would be the place to do it. If I tell you: you have to listen or I'll think you're rude. If I write it hear and you don't read it I don't care. I guess I really don't have that much to bitch about. I mean, beyond the first two paragraphs. Maybe I'll just reflect a bit.

I feel like I've been playing the recluse lately. I spend a lot of time alone, more so than I did last year. It's weird. I'm just used to myself now I guess. I don't know how to really explain it. I guess an example would work best. All last year one of my least favorite things to do was walk to and from school. One would think that this year the same would be true, especially considering the greater distance I have to travel. I've actually found that the opposite is true. Some of my favorite times in a day are the times in which I'm walking to and from school. I like just wandering around with my music... I don't know. It clears the head.

A haiku

I broke my comments
It was yesterday, it was
Now they do work well.


So if you have a desire to comment on something now... please do!

So a funny thing happened yesterday. I was talking to this girl from my home town (a friend of a friend). At some point during the day, she give me her phone number. That's all well and great, but seeing as I work in telecom... I hate the phone. Yeah, unrelated. So our conversation goes on through out the day as normal. (A little back story, we've never actually met, but we've been talking since school started). So we are talking, and she says "So when are you going to call me?" and the like, attempting to persuade me to call her. I don't really like talking on the phone to begin with, and it wasn't a convenient time... so I pretty much blew her off. Finally she is saying 'bye' and tells me she won't talk to me again until I call her.

Dramatic Pause

So she 'signs off' (in actuality she blocked me... I hope she doesn't think I haven't figured that trick out), with the last words off 'If you think you wont' call me it'll be your loss' (or something to that effect)

So what would you do? That is my question to you. I know of course know what I'm going to do, and I'll tell you in just a bit what and why. If you were confronted with this situation, what would your reaction be?

So here's the skinny. This is the sort of crap my ex pulled all the time, and it worked like a charm. I was her bitch. I can say it proudly now, it's been a long time. Let me tell you, she was the master of it too. So basically I'm going to be the bull-headed male I've come to be, and not give in. If she wants to play games, that's fine... but I'm not playing. We're in college now for goodness sake! Can we grow up? I guess I can't really fault her, since I probably pulled the same sort of stuff my first year... but damnit; I was dumb! Can't todays youth be better than I was?! Well, that's all I've really got to say. It probably won't flabbergast you, or even amuse you as much as it has me. I think it is funny though...

I'm calm... whether or not you may believe it I'm very content right now. It seem strange to be, as with things as they are, yet I feel a strange peace. Perhaps its the eye of the storm, or maybe that non-chalant person inside me has taken over forever. I can't say really, all I know is that for the first time since school has started I don't feel stressed at all. Does it have anything to do with last night? I can't really say, all I know is that I like how I feel right now. It isn't happy, it isn't sad, it isn't anything strong in one direction or another. It is positive, it is encouraging, and it is nice.
I guess I'm sounding emo here (sorry Tim), but if you read an earlier post I don't care what you think. If this is an emo blog, at least it is MY emo blog. If you think it sucks, that's fine with me, as it probably does. On a more positive note: if you ever want to go look at stars and talk about how great they are, feel free to call me.

I'm just a posting maniac today it looks like. Well, I guess a lot has happened.

I told her.

Well, it wasn't so much telling as it was a non-confrontational guessing game that ended in the truth coming out. I don't really know what to think at this point. I assure this was not a planned event, but it didn't end with my 'bits' in my hand, so I think it went as well as could be expected.

Is there reciprication? She wasn't forthcoming, neither was I pressing. I am assuming no for safety's sake. I guess I should be more confused right now, but I'm pretty tired... *shrug* Does it really matter? I guess no, not really. As I mentioned in earlier posts I'm not as tied up in emotional baggage as I have been in the past. I posit I'm better equipped to deal with the situation at hand. I could just be fooling myself of course. *shrug* Oh well, we'll see what tomorrow brings and each day on after that, ad infinitum.

I'm hungry. I think I'll eat a corndog.

What do you see? This picture was shown to kindergartners and they saw 9 dolphins... now you know you're a pervert.

I think I'm starting to REALLY want a sexy LCD for my computer. I'm sitting here in the CSL, and they have this 17" Dell Clearview LCD flatpanels that make me consider taking up theft. The colors are so vibrant, and the screen just looks plain nice. I'm not sure exactly what it is, but it just looks damn good. I'm also booted into the latest version of RedHat Linux, and that also is uber-sexy. My first taste of RedHat didn't leave me with a good taste in my mouth, as the it was a huge pile of crapulon. It probably still is, as I haven't really looked into what they have loaded on here... but what they have done to GNOME is really quite nice. Anti-aliased fonts, smooth edged windows, and a generally nice look and feel. My (!red) hat is off to them. If they ever get drop shadows, I'll be one step closer to dropping Windows forever. Of course I never will, just because of video games... but if I ever get a new HDD I will most assuredly save a few gigs for a Linux distro install. Things have really started to have the look and feel that the common user will want and need. Yay for Linux. (or should I say)

OMG1!!11!! TEH H4X0R!!11!1! L33T!1!!11

Ladies: Take note.

In my constant and ever-lasting hope to make my blog better than yours, I've decided I will henceforth never apologize for my site. Reading through blogs is depressing, its like "I'm so sorry that I haven't updated for a long time! I'll try harder, I promise!" Well, screw that! If I'm not updating its because I have something better to do! Maybe I have a date (unlikely). Maybe I am playing outside (equally unlikely). Maybe it's just because I hate you (who knows?!) I will however, never ever apologize for what my site looks like, how often it is update, or anything related to it. This is my site and I'll run it as I see fit! Yeah! Dammit. Well, that's my soap-box for today.

Well, I went swing dancing last night. It was very fun indeed. Jenn and her roomie Audrey came, and it was very fun. Afterwards we went back to their place (the new Sierra Vista Apartments) and I finally got to see what the inside of one looks like! It was thrilling let me assure you. Actually those apartments are pretty damn cool.

Today I went to the fencing tournament to watch, and it was decently fun. All of my friends lost though... (poor Jenn, poor Myles) I'm sure they will kick ass next time though. Now I'm at home... and bored off of my ass.

I wish I could say I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and then tell of my deep intimations and fascinating revelations... it just hasn't been like that though. I've been really busy between work and school, and while it's nice to time to myself this weekend, I find its really just sort of boring. I'm torn between wanting ten-million more things to do, and wanting to have nothing to do.

As for the girl situation, nothing new to report... well I guess that isn't entirely true. Generally when I like a girl I fall head over heals and can't eat or sleep without thinking of her. It isn't really like that this time... I dunno, maybe I'm just getting old and jaded... but if it doesn't work out I doubt I'll be that crushed. I mean how many other times has it 'not worked out' in the past 3 years? Let me tell you, quite a few. So maybe I'm finally emotionally detached enough that I can pursue something like this wholeheartedly and without abandon or reserve. Unlikely, but I can fool myself into believing it. I don't know, its as if there are two personae within me: one non-chalant and nearly apathetic, while the other a beast of passion, fueled only by desire. The past 3 years have nearly killed the beast of passion, should I be sad? I guess that persona lentum has taken over more than I've thought. Oh well.

So I'm going to bitch a little bit. People who write "blog entries" that are actually poetry piss me off. It's like "I'm going to have this blog and share my thoughts, but what you don't know is I'm actually going to encode my thoughts in this emo-poetry" Whatever. If you write poetry, great! I think that is totally awesome, but poetry != blog. Your blog could have a poetry section, or you could have a poetry webpage with a link to a blog if you want people to see your poems that much. But again I repeat POETRY != BLOG!!

/soapbox

Looks like I'm falling victim to the same curse all bloggers are going through now: school. Lots of work, not much time. I actually like my classes this quarter... even EE doesn't seem as daunting as it usually does. I guess that's because I have Trevor, Akim and Dan to suffer through it with. I actually think I may do well on this test on Weds. We'll see, since Ring supposedly has anal molesting type tests.

So I've been saying that I really don't care if I have a girlfriend, but somehow it always comes back to girls in my posts. I don't really know what to say, but they've been on my mind a lot recently. They're a double-edged sword they are. On one hand you have excitment and adventure... on the other hand part of that adventure seems to be risking getting your bits cut off. Funny that. I still have no amazing prospects, but I hold hope for one girl. Can't name her lest I ruin the surprise, or she reads this... (girls are tricky that way). Suffice to say I don't know how much hope to hold out, but it's nice to dream every once in a while. I'm as usual, not too concerned. I don't have the time to pay the upkeep that girls require (at least 4 Red Mana per turn!) Yet, if one fell in my life I'm sure I'd somehow find time... there is always less sleep... right?

Well, I ought to get back to programming... enjoy your Sunday all.